Movie Spotlight: The Bell Witch Haunting

The Bell Witch Haunting is a 2013 found footage movie starring Laura Alexandra Ramos, Ted Jonas, Andrew Hellenthal, and Cat Alter.  When I checked the movie's IMDB page, I thought it was probably a bad sign that Ramos is the only actor not listed as uncredited, but I watched it anyway.  It's also a bad sign that the characters in the movie are having a pool party in Tennessee in January, but who says logic has a place in horror movies? ; )  The paranormal stuff makes more sense than the normal stuff in the movie...for example, why are girls taking their tops off at a wintertime pool party that some of their parents are attending, and why do the teenage girls in the movie sleep in just a bra and panties...in January?  (And when did girls start sleeping in their underwear when they have a friend spend the night? I've had sleepovers with friends before, and we slept in pajamas like normal people.)

The movie is about the Sawyer family, who move to Adams, Tennessee and soon begin being harassed by the Bell Witch (a paranormal entity who haunted the property in the 1800s),  probably because the family is so irritating that she just wants to get them out of the house so a less annoying family can move in.  Less than half an hour into the movie, I was already rooting for the Bell Witch to kill these people.  The movie had more funny moments than scary moments, the funniest being when the text "January 21th 2011" and January 22th 2011" appeared on the screen.  Really?!  Even little kids know that it should be "21st" and "22nd"...and that there should be a comma between the date and the year.

My rating: 4/10 (I was going to give it a 5 since it made me laugh, but I had to take a point off for the 21th and 22th thing.)

International Ghost Investigators: Hollywood Division (Laraine Newman and Dave Foley)

International Ghost Investigators: Hollywood Division is a parody about paranormal investigators that airs on the Audience network.  The show stars David Anthony Higgins (who you might remember from Malcolm in the Middle) and Paul Greenberg, and in the episode I watched, they help Laraine Newman and Dave Foley with some supernatural problems.  David is excited to assist Laraine Newman because he's a fan of her work, and Paul is excited because he thinks she wrote the song "Short People."  When Laraine meets David and Paul at her studio, she assumes that David is a "D and D shut-in" and that Paul is a "simpleton" and wonders why they look nothing like the pictures on their website.  David explains that Paul's mother has dial-up, and they "don't know how to upload pictures."  Laraine tells the guys that she doesn't believe in the paranormal, but some really scary things have been happening there.  Laraine says that one time she was eating a sandwich when the closet door opened and closed by itself...and when she went back to her sandwich, the meat had turned from turkey into ham!  Another time she saw a ball bounce down the stairs and heard the laughter of a child, who then said, "I'm gonna kill you."  David suggests that they do a smudging ceremony, which involves a shaman burning sage and is "mostly bullshit," according to Paul.  Paul leaves to get the shaman, but it turns out Randy is out of town, so he brings a new "Randy," who smells like pee.  David and Paul conduct an EVP session, then find Randy dead in the bathroom with a needle in his arm, so they wrap him up in a rug and tell Lorraine the rug is cursed as they're leaving with the body.

Odd things have been happening on the set of Dave Foley's newest project, and David has found out that an actress died there in the 1940s.  Paul seems antsy and says it's because he itches where his genitals were shaved when he had his wisdom teeth removed (and I thought I had a bad experience when I got my mine out...).  Dave says he once saw a woman's reflection in the mirror, but when he turned around, no one was there.  Dave tells David and Paul that one day when he came out of the kitchen, the room directly outside of the kitchen was full of furniture...and it had been completely empty before he went into the kitchen.  Dave shows them to the elevator and says that one night when he was in the building alone, he was on the elevator and saw a woman in blue on the staircase; when the elevator reached its destination, Dave ran up the stairs, but could not find the woman.  David and Paul begin to investigate; Paul is stuck in the dark and screams for David and Dave, while David enters a room that has a bed in it and has sex with what he suspects is the ghost of the starlet who died in the building decades ago.  David and Paul tell Dave that the set is haunted but that he doesn't need to worry about the spirit; a blonde woman joins them, and Dave introduces them to his wife...who turns out to be the woman David thought was a ghost.

International Ghost Investigators: Hollywood Division is one of the more entertaining paranormal shows I've watched; I normally watch shows about real-life encounters, but I wish there were more shows like this one...I love comedy, and this show is pretty damn funny.

My rating: 9/10

  

Movie Spotlight: Bad Milo!

Bad Milo! is a 2013 movie starring Ken Marino, Gillian Jacobs, Mary Kay Place, Kumail Nanjiani, Toby Huss, Patrick Warburton, Stephen Root, and Peter Stormare.  When I heard about Bad Milo! a few months ago, my first thought was, "I have to see that movie!"  Luckily it's on Netflix now, so I got my wish.  Ken Marino (who is awesome in everything) stars as Duncan, a man who has been plagued with stomach problems for most of his life.  His doctor tells him to avoid stress, but Duncan's boss (the always hilarious Patrick Warburton) has other plans and puts him in charge of firing people.  Duncan soon discovers that a demon lives in him and comes out of his ass to kill people when Duncan is stressed out.

I really enjoyed Bad Milo!, and I'm so glad I finally got to see it.  All of the actors were great, and I thought that Milo was the cutest demon ever...he reminded me of Junior from Dinosaurs, but with razor-sharp teeth and a nasty smell (I'm assuming...he comes out of an ass, after all).  I recommend Bad Milo! to anyone who has a good sense of humor and isn't grossed-out by blood or ass demons. ; )

My rating: 8.5/10

http://www.magnetreleasing.com/badmilo/

Movie Spotlight: The Omen

The Omen was a 1976 movie that spawned three sequels (and a remake that didn't need to be made) and is my favorite horror movie of all-time.  It starred Gregory Peck, Lee Remick, Harvey Spencer Stevens, Patrick Troughton, David Warner, Billie Whitelaw, and Leo McKern.  Diplomat Robert Thorn (Gregory Peck) doesn't want to tell his wife Katherine (Lee Remick) that their baby died at birth, so at a shady priest's urging, he adopts the baby of a woman who died in childbirth; the child is named Damien, and strange things happen in his presence because he just so happens to be the Antichrist.  At Damien's (Harvey Stephens) fifth birthday party, his nanny hangs herself after shouting, "It's all for you, Damien!"  Father Brennan (Patrick Troughton), who was there the night of Damien's birth, tries to warn Robert that Damien is not what he seems, but Robert refuses to listen because this is a horror movie.  When Katherine takes Damien to a safari park, some animals run away from Damien, terrified, and others become violent, attacking the car Katherine and Damien are in.  Kids scare me in general, but Damien is on a whole other level...he's such a little shit that he causes his mother to have a miscarriage after running his tricycle into her and knocking her over the upstairs railing; before Robert even knew that Katherine was pregnant, Father Brennan warned him that Damien would stop Katherine from having the baby.

There's an extra on The Omen DVD that talks about the weird things that happened to people who were involved with the movie.  Here are a few:

-John Richardson, who designed the film's decapitation scene, was later in a car accident where his girlfriend was decapitated by a piece of the windshield.
-Gregory Peck and David Seltzer (the writer) were on separate planes that were struck by lightning three days apart.
-A charter plane that had been rented for use in the movie crashed the day they were supposed to use it, killing the passengers in the car it hit; the victims were the pilot's wife and children. (Did anyone else just get chills?)
-A guard was killed while the crew was filming at the safari park; two lions came into his booth and attacked him.

There's a longer documentary called The Curse of The Omen, and when I watch it, I'll write a blog post that goes into more detail about these incidents and any other incidents the documentary covers.

I love The Omen, and watching the Omen Trilogy over a day or two inspired me to write my first Satan play...and now I've written almost twenty of them.  Thanks, Damien!

My rating: 10/10

A Haunting: Gateway to Hell

I watched an episode of Destination America's A Haunting not too long ago, and I thought it was one of the better paranormal shows I've seen, so I decided to watch another episode.  This time I watched a 2006 episode called "Gateway to Hell."

Country singer Bobby Mackey has always wanted to own a country music club, so he decides to turn the former Rock ‘n’ Roll Roadhouse in Wilder, Kentucky into Bobby Mackey’s, despite the fact that his pregnant wife Janet has a bad feeling about the place.  Soon after Bobby buys the building, a man named Carl Lawson comes by and says that he used to be a handyman at the former club until it was shut down due to all the murders (there were six in the club’s last year alone); he warns Bobby and Janet that the club may cause people to turn violent, but Bobby isn’t worried since his club will attract a different type of crowd.  One day Janet sees the kitchen sink fill up with blood and feels a hand on her back trying to push her in, but when new employee Carl runs in the room after hearing her screams, the sink is empty.  Janet tells Bobby what happened, but he doesn’t take her seriously since he doesn’t believe in ghosts. (Really?  You don’t think a building where A BUNCH OF MURDERS happened might possibly be haunted?)  One night Officer Larry Hornsby is driving by and sees someone in the window of the club, so he calls for backup; when Hornsby and his fellow officer enter the building, loud music starts playing backstage, and they hear the voices of a man and a woman.  They hear the front door slam, but when they run into the parking lot, no one is there.

Janet is sweeping up a shattered light bulb when something pushes her down the stairs; after she hits the floor, she looks at the top of the stairway and sees a male spirit.  Bobby and Carl rush Janet to the hospital, afraid she’s going to lose the baby; she goes into labor and gives birth to a daughter.  Bobby Mackey’s opens a few weeks later, and Bobby tells Carl not to tell the customers about what’s been going on there.  In the storage room, Carl finds a diary belonging to a woman named Johanna, who was a dancer at the club decades ago and was afraid that her father had killed her lover; she poisoned her father and then herself.  The diary says that Johanna will “roam the halls of the club for all eternity, waiting for her lover to return.”  That night Carl (who now lives above the club) is awoken when he has trouble breathing, then the power goes out, so Carl goes to check the breakers; while he’s in the basement, he finds a hidden door in the floor and opens it to find a deep well.  After he closes the door, he turns to see the spirits of two men behind him.

Carl’s behavior changes after this, and Bobby confides in his friend Doug Hensley, a writer, who asks if he can talk to Carl about it; Carl tells Doug, “This place is evil.  I’ve seen stuff I can’t explain.”  Carl says that he only keeps working there so he can protect Janet and Bobby.  Janet tells Doug about the experiences she’s had in the club, and Doug decides to research the history of the building.  He finds out that two men (Alonzo Walling and Scott Jackson) were hung for murdering a socialite named Pearl Bryan, who was five months pregnant at the time of her death; Walling said that he would haunt the place where Pearl’s head was found.  Pearl’s body was found near a slaughterhouse, and it is believed that Walling and Jackson had put Pearl’s head in a well that was in the basement of the slaughterhouse.  This should come as a surprise to no one: the location where the slaughterhouse stood is now Bobby Mackey’s, and there is probably a decapitated head in the well Carl found.

Doug brings in Patricia Michelle, a psychic, to check out the club.  Carl says, “They’re here,” and Patricia cuts him off and asks him not to say anything and to let her walk through the club and see what she can pick up with her second sight.  She sees the spirit of a woman and asks what her name is; the spirit says her name is Johanna.  Patricia asks Johanna if she’ll let her send her “to the light,” and Johanna responds, “No, lady, don’t send me to no light.”  (Being a ghost is no excuse for bad grammar, Johanna.)  In the basement, Johanna looks down into the well and has a vision of a woman’s head in there.  Patricia feels dizzy and nauseous, so she is escorted to the bar area, so she can sit and have a glass of water.  Carl begins acting scared, and Patricia senses two male spirits in the room; she tells Carl that the spirits are trying to use his body and that he needs to ask a minister for help.  Doug brings in a minister, who says Bobby Mackey’s is “the most evil site that he’d ever stood foot on in his life” and that Carl is possessed by demons.  He agrees to perform an exorcism, and as he prays, Carl’s demeanor and voice changes, and he becomes violent, so Bobby and Doug come in to help hold him down.  The minister continues with the exorcism, and Carl starts speaking backwards and in Latin, at one point saying “I am Satan.”  The exorcism is successful, and Carl decides not to work at Bobby Mackey’s anymore (smart move, Carl); Janet also decides never to set foot in the club again, but Bobby still claims that he has never seen any paranormal activity there. (Seriously?  You witnessed an EXORCISM!  That seems pretty paranormal to me.)

This episode of A Haunting was pretty creepy, and you know I won’t be going to Bobby Mackey’s anytime soon (or ever).

My rating: 8/10

http://www.destinationamerica.com/tv-shows/a-haunting

Movie Spotlight: Vamps

Vamps is a 2012 movie starring Alicia Silverstone, Krysten Ritter, Sigourney Weaver, Todd Barry, Justin Kirk, Richard Lewis, Dan Stevens, Zak Orth, Wallace Shawn, Kristen Johnson, and Malcolm McDowell.  Goody (Silverstone) and Stacy (Ritter) are vampires and best friends living in Manhattan; Goody was turned in the 1840s, while Stacy wasn't turned until the 1990s.  They were both turned by the same vampire (Ciccerus, played by Sigourney Weaver) and refuse to drink human blood, drinking rat blood instead.  Also, Stacy's new boyfriend (Stevens) happens to be the son of Van Helsing, world-famous vampire slayer.

I decided to watch this movie because I've enjoyed Krysten Ritter in everything I've seen her in, and Vamps was no exception (I was also happy to see Todd Barry since he's one of my favorite stand-up comics).  Most vampire movies are dark and serious, but this one was fun and lighthearted in comparison, so it was a nice change of pace.  I prefer funny movies, and I don't think there are enough vampire comedies, so I'm glad I stumbled across this movie.

My rating: 7.5/10

Book Spotlight: The Bigfoot books by Graham Roumieu

If you're in the mood for some paranormal humor, check out Graham Roumieu's Me Write Book: It Bigfoot Memoir and Bigfoot: I Not Dead.  These books are hilarious, and they're quick reads because there are lots of illustrations (which are also the work of Roumieu).  I laughed out loud many times while reading these books, and I enjoyed reading something from Bigfoot's point of view.  Bigfoot is misunderstood, smelly, and a better writer than you'd think.  He's also friends with the Loch Ness Monster, who wrote the introduction to Me Write Book, and is an aspiring stand-up comedian...I don't know about you, but if I saw that Bigfoot was coming to a comedy club near me, I would buy tickets immediately. ; )

You can find more info about Roumieu's books and see some of his illustrations here:

http://www.roumieu.com/#/books/

My rating: 9/10