Friday, December 6, 2013

Things I've Learned from ALF: Season 1

1. Malmacians live for 100 years.
2. ALF stands for Alien Life Form.
3. Melmac has a purple sun.
4. ALF doesn’t get Sesame Street on Melmac and doesn’t “get” it here either.
5. Melmac no longer exists because it exploded.
6. If the Army takes ALF to a lab, they’ll see how he reacts to extreme cold, heat, poke him with needles, and dissect him.
7. ALF’s real name is Gordon Shumway.
8. ALF uses a blender to make peanut butter sandwiches.
9. ALF is 98% hair.
10. It’s against the law to shoot anteaters.
11. A family is like a crescent wrench.
12. The 3 C’s are “cooperation, courtesy, and respect.”
13. Nuclear disasters are “no picnic.”
14. The reason that Melmac exploded was not because “everyone plugged their hair dryers in at the same time.”
15. ALF likes cats “with a side of fries.”
16. Hamsters taste just like rats.
17. Cats can be hypnotized.
18. There’s a family of “cucumber people” on Mars.
19. Decorating involves posters and paint, and that’s it.
20. Gold is worthless on Melmac, but foam is worth a lot.
21. It’s pretty easy for an alien to write a soap opera script and get it on the air almost immediately.
22. On Melmac, the postage rates were “first class, second class, fish, and ham.”
23. Everyone on Melmac could communicate with the dead.
24. There are two planets next to Pluto called Dave and Alvin.
25. It would take two hours to pull the hair out of Alf’s body.
26.If you spray a Melmacian roach with bug spray, it will grow to be the size of a door and can be killed with perfume (and it will be horrifying).
27. Cats are delicious.

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